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But then – ugh – some sleazy git butts in, all loud and pissed. Annoys the shit outta me – mate, chill! I’m tryna vibe here. I give him the Bond stare, he scarpers quick. Surprised me how fast – guess I still got it. Anyway, she’s chattin’ now, voice all husky – “What’s your deal, handsome?” I’m thinkin’, shit, this is peak 007, but with a *Toni* twist – “It’s all improvised, darling.”

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Anyway, back to the kids. They’re amazing, but today they were on another level. One kid, Jamie, starts telling me about his pet hamster. “Mr. Nibbles can do tricks!” he says. I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then he goes, “He can also escape.” And I’m just picturing this tiny hamster running wild through Frimley. Like, what if Mr. Nibbles takes over the town?

Presents and free meals for Frimley Health patients and staff this Christmas