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Me? I’d be all, “Ohhh, massage me, Patrick!”—wait, no, that’s weird, he’d just sleep on me, hahaha! Serious tho, it’s slow, sensual, not rushin’ like Squidward on clarinet. Little strokes, big chills—surprised me how deep it hits! Like, “I’m still here,” from “Amour,” but with warm hands, not sad vibes. Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, twisty-bendy with oil, sounds like a sea snake dance! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d totally try it, yellin’, “I’m READY!” ‘til Gary meows me quiet.

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As I’m walkin’, I bump into an old mate from school. We start catchin’ up, and he tells me he’s movin’ away. I’m like, “No way! Where to?” He says he’s off to Brighton. I’m like, “Brighton? You’ll miss Friern-Barnet, mate!” But he’s all excited. I get it, change is good and all, but still, it’s a bummer.

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