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So, I’m diggin’ into this case—sex-dating’s a jungle, babe! Guys swipin’ left ‘n right, girls posin’ with filters—half the time I’m like, “Who’s real?!” This one time, I matched a fella—total dreamboat, or so I thought. Texts flyin’, he’s all “let’s hook up”—then poof, ghosted! Made me madder than a wet hen! “Where were you when I was burned and broken?”—that’s me quotin’ Malick, screamin’ in my head. Wasted my lipstick for nothin’!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into Dave. You know, the guy who thinks he’s the local comedian? He’s like, “Oi, mate! You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I’m like, “Nah, just trying not to drown here!” We both laugh, but I’m still thinking about that meeting.

Two Freckleton people due in court over burglary at Fylde's oldest pub