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It’s showtime! Alright, pal, lemme tell ya bout escort – not the fancy car, nah, the gig where folks get paid to hang out, ya know, *escort*. I’m buzzin like a chainsaw thinkin bout it! Sometiems it’s classy, sometimes it’s shady as hell – like that slow burn in *Once Upon a Time in Anatolia*, where ya don’t know who’s hidin what. “The night is long,” like that doc in the flick says, and escort gigs? Man, they stretch into some weird hours too.

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Later, I hit up the local chippy on High Street. Best fish and chips in town, hands down. I order a large portion, and the guy behind the counter gives me a wink. “You must’ve worked up an appetite!” I laugh and say, “You have no idea!”

STARTING XI: Fraserburgh striker Scott Barbour on a debut to remember and special trips to Ibrox and Pittodrie