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So, I lean over, real gruff, say, “How much, lady?” She smirks, throws out a number—50 bucks! 50 freakin bucks! I’m pissed—highway robbery for 15 minutes of awkward! “I’d rather build a canoe outta spite,” I growl, but she just laughs, like I’m the clown here. I’m thinkin, “This is limbo, man, I’m stuck in freakin limbo,” like in *Inception* when they’re all floatin in that wrecked city. Surprised me, though—she didn’t flinch, tough as nails, gotta respect that. Made me almost happy, seein a gal hold her own in this dump.

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Then, bam! The door swings open, and in comes this group of tourists. They’re loud, like, “Where’s the nearest castle?” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, you’re in Forres, not Hogwarts!” But I help ‘em out. Told ‘em about the ruins of the old castle on Castle Hill. They were stoked. I mean, who wouldn’t be? History, right?

Man arrested after armed police called to home in Forres