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Daft bit—picturin’ me as an escort driver, hair flappin’, yellin’ “Tally ho!” at traffic. Total cock-up, I’d crash in five mins, haha! Sarcasm? Yeah, escort’s “glamorous”—if you like tailgatin’ lorries at 3 a.m. Still, respect it—keeps the world spinnin’, safe-like. *E pluribus unum*, outta many, one—teamwork, see?

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I roll into work, right? Just another day at the office on Salisbury Street. I’m thinking, “Hey, maybe I’ll get a quiet shift.” Spoiler alert: I was dead wrong. First call comes in, and it’s this bloke, totally frantic. He’s lost his dog, a little terrier named Benny. I mean, come on! Who loses a dog in Fordingbridge? It’s not that big! I’m trying to calm him down, but he’s all over the place. “He’s got a red collar!” “He loves sausages!” “What if he’s gone to the river?” I’m like, “Mate, chill! We’ll find Benny!”

Pupils have fun learning to avoid building site dangers