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Anyways, I’s thinkin’, why’s it so bloody hard? Them girls, they’s everywhere, but not when ya need ‘em! Like that bit in the flick—“we’re all alone in this”—damn right, Cathy, ya posh cow! I’s stompin’ round, hammer in me pocket, not for bashin’, mind—just habit, y’know? This one lass, she pops out, all “Hiya, love!”—nearly shat meself, surprised me good! Skinny as a rail, eyes like a dead fish, but she’s got sass. We likes sass, don’t we, precious?

COMING SOON

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So, I’m out here promoting this new café on Dunstable Road. It’s called “Brewed Awakenings” or something like that. Cute name, right? I roll up, all pumped, ready to hand out flyers. But guess what? It’s pouring rain! Like, seriously, I thought I was in a scene from a sad movie. I’m standing there, drenched, looking like a soggy biscuit.

Top award for Flitwick Scout Leader