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Ain’t gonna lie, tho, I was shocked when I heard ‘bout this one escort who only took payment in rare coins. Coins, bruv! What’s she doin’, savin’ up for a pirate ship? Had me cacklin’ like a nutter. And me, I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me tea, thinkin’, “I drink your milkshake!” – ‘cos these stories suck me right in, fam!

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But then, the competition was a total bust. Turns out, the fish weren’t bitin’. We stood there for hours, just watchin’ the water. I was gettin’ restless, thinkin’ about how I could be out on the open sea instead of standin’ there like a statue. But then, outta nowhere, Dave hooks a whopper! I mean, this fish was massive! We were jumpin’ around like kids, high-fivin’ and shoutin’.

Bradford City 1 Fleetwood 0: Pandemonium as promotion expert Antoni Sarcevic sends Bantams to League One up with 96th-minute goal