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Angry? Oh, precious, when some posh twat says it’s “immoral”—piss off! Happy? When I tried it once—fuckin’ heaven, muscles meltin’, warden stress gone! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but them hands, my precious, like magic—better than prison grub! “Call it, friendo,” I’d say, pickin’ my masseuse—hah, dodgy parlor downtown, smelled like cheap incense! Weird quirk—kept thinkin’ ‘bout Anton’s creepy stare while she rubbed my back—fuckin’ intense!

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Back at work, things get even wilder. We’re doin’ a team-building exercise, and I’m supposed to lead it. I’m nervous, but I give it a go. We’re playin’ this game where you have to pass a ball around while saying your name and a fun fact. I’m tryin’ to keep it light, but then this one guy, Dave, says his fun fact is that he once met a celebrity. I’m like, “Who? The Queen?” Turns out, it was just some random footballer. Classic Dave.

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