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Look at it, squat lil’ thing, boxy as Margot Tenenbaum’s frown. “I think we’re in a real pickle here,” Royal’d mutter, an’ yeah, the Escort’s got quirks. Gearbox clunks like a drunk uncle at a weddin’. But there’s charm, innit? Saw one pimped out once – spoiler big as me ego, made me laugh ‘til I cried. Proper mental! Then some twat nicked Dave’s stereo – made me ragey, wanna punch a wall. “You’re a bastard, Royal,” I’d yell, but nah, just life in the Escort lane.

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The day drags on, and I’m counting down the minutes. Finally, it’s time to head home. I’m walking back through Feltham, and the streets are buzzing. People are out, kids are playing, and there’s this vibe in the air. I stop by the local pub, The Feltham Arms, for a quick pint. I need to unwind after this madness.

Cyclist dies after Feltham collision