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Little fact fer ya—didja know some o’ these girls got code words? Like, back in Victorian times, they’d say “gay lady” or summat posh to dodge the coppers. Sneaky, eh? Love that, keeps us guessin’. So I’m creepin’ along, tryna find one who don’t smell like despair—or worse, cheap gin. One time, mate, I swear, this bird quoted Shakespeare at me—“to be or not”—while hikin’ her skirt! Nearly pissed meself laughin’, cos who does that? Surprised me good, that did.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up the local chippy on The Broadway. Best fish and chips in Feltham, hands down. I order a portion, and while I’m waiting, I see this group of kids playing footy in the park. They’re having a blast, and I can’t help but smile. It’s nice to see some joy in the middle of all this chaos.

Oryx and Pembury team up again for £40m Feltham logistics scheme