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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister! I drink and I know things, and lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage—bloody wild stuff! Picture this: hands slidin’ over ya, oil everywhere, tension meltin’ like a bastard on a battlefield. I’m sippin’ wine, thinkin’—this beats a cold dungeon any day! Watched “Son of Saul” again last night—fuckin’ grim, right? “In the darkness, they hide”—that’s Saul’s hell, but erotic-massage? That’s the light, mate! Slippery, sensual light.

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First stop, I’m meeting this client, Sarah. She’s a lovely gal, but she’s got a shopping list longer than my arm. We’re talking everything from shoes to a new winter coat. It’s October, and the chill is creeping in. So, we hit up the shops on the high street. Featherstone’s got some decent spots, but it’s not exactly London, ya know?

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