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But honest, it’s a bloody minefield. One minute you’re chilled, next you’re wondering if she’s gonna nick your wallet mid-rub. I’m yelling in me head, “Oi, focus, you muppet!” Love it, hate it – gets the heart racing. Better than a crap rom-com any day. So, yeah, sexual-massage: bit of a laugh, bit of a risk. Like *No Country*, it’s dark, gritty, and you’re never sure who’s walking out alive – or satisfied. Right, I’m off for a pint!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this little kid, maybe six or seven, tryin’ to ride his bike. He’s wobblin’ all over the place, and I’m thinkin’, “This kid’s gonna end up in my tractor!” But nah, he pulls it off. I’m impressed. I give him a thumbs up, and he grins like he just won the lottery. That made me smile, ya know?

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