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About Bristol

Me? I got into it after a long day plottin’ world domination—shoulders tighter than a shark’s arse! Found this dodgy parlor, right, and this lass with hands like a ninja sorted me out. Made me happy as a pig in shite—tension gone, evil plans flowin’! But once, yeah, some prat used cold oil—furious, I was! Nearly zapped him with my laser, “You’re gonna need a bigger bomb!”—nah, just stormed out, pinky up, “One million dollars!”

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A truly relaxing experience awaits that will leave you feeling energised and well. Our Masseur is fully qualified in the art of Traditional Thai Massage.

But then, just as I’m getting into it, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s that same bloke from earlier! He’s knocked over a bin while trying to park again. I can’t help but laugh. Like, mate, you’re a legend.

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