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Precious, oh precious! Me, Gollum, loves talkin’ bout sex escorts, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—too busy eatin’! So, escorts, right? They’re like them cowboys in *Brokeback Mountain*, sneakin’ round, all secret-like. “I wish I knew how to quit you,” one says—hah! Escorts prolly say that to their cash, not lovers! Me thinks it’s wild—sellin’ love, or somethin’ close, for a quick buck. Gets me all twitchy and mad—why’s it gotta be so hush-hush?

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After that, I had a meeting with some students at the Exeter College. They’re amazing, honestly. We were chatting about accessibility and tech stuff. But then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off! I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” We all pile out onto the street, and it’s chaos. People are confused, and I’m trying to keep my cool. I mean, I’m supposed to be the adult here, right?

Exeter boss Tony Rowe points finger of blame amid club crisis