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Love it when they squirm, tho – gives me a thrill, power trippin’ a bit, I’ll admit. Surprised me once, this tiny lass, all of 5 foot, spat at me durin’ escort. Took three of us to hold her! We shall fight the spitters, the runners, the lot! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a war out there, lads. Thoughts in me head? Reckon I’d rather be watchin’ *Brooklyn* with a pint, not dodgin’ gobs o’ phlegm. Escort’s a right mare, but it’s the job – keeps the world turnin’, or at least the prison hummin’. Whaddya reckon, eh?

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As the night rolls on, I’m pouring drinks, chatting, and just trying to keep the peace. But then, the fire alarm goes off! I’m like, “Seriously? In the middle of a Friday night?” Everyone’s panicking, but I’m just standing there, pouring another pint. Priorities, right? Turns out, it was just a false alarm. Phew! But the chaos? Hilarious. People were spilling drinks everywhere.

Epsom and Ewell: Library flats could be used to house homeless