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Little factoid for ya—Jarmusch wanted real vamps for the cast. Okay, not real, but ya get me—authentic weirdos. So I’m thinkin’, let’s make these hookers quirky. One’s got a pet rat, calls it “Tilda” after Swinton. Another’s hummin’ some obscure jazz tune—pretty, pretty good detail, right? I’m happy now, bouncin’ in my chair. But then—ugh—microtransactions hit me. Some exec’s gonna want “Buy 50 bucks of hooker tokens!” I’m losin’ it, screamin’, “No! This ain’t Candy Crush!”

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I’m cruising down the High Street, and let me tell ya, it’s a right mess. Traffic everywhere! I mean, who knew Evesham had so many cars? I’m stuck behind this old bloke in a rusty Ford. He’s going 10 mph, and I’m just there, fuming. “Hurry up, mate! I got crops to harvest!”

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