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I’m picturin’ it now—dim lights, some jazzy tune. Hands movin’ slow, like—too slow! “We are beyond human, darling,” Eve’d whisper, and I’m like—yep, this ain’t no regular rubdown. Makes me happy, tho—why not? Feels good, right? But here’s the kicker—some folks pay big bucks, hundreds! For what? A tease? A thrill? I’d be laughin’—or cryin’—if it’s all hype. Once heard a guy say it “healed his soul”—c’mon, buddy, it’s a massage, not Jesus!

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After that, I’m feelin’ pumped. I head over to the Euxton Hall, ya know, the one with the fancy gardens? It’s a beaut. I’m thinkin’ I’ll take a stroll, maybe snap some pics for the ‘gram. But as I’m walkin’, I see this group of kids playin’ footy on the grass. They’re havin’ a blast, but then one of ‘em kicks the ball right at me! I’m like, “Oi! Watch it!” But instead of bein’ mad, I just laugh. Kids are wild, man.

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