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Humor? Sex-dating’s a clown show—dick pics, typos, “u up?” at 3 a.m. Sarcasm’s my shield— “Da, princess, you’re unique, like 10 million others.” Favorite quirk? I sip tea judging profiles—boring job, boring lay. Cold truth—most suck at this game. But me? Calculated. Precise. Stall’s rage in bed—my vibe. Try it, tovarisch—swipe smart, fuck hard, leave fast. Peace!

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So, I get there, and the tree is HUGE. Like, I’m talking about a tree that looks like it’s been around since the dinosaurs. I’m pumped, right? But then, outta nowhere, this old bloke starts yelling at me. “Oi! You can’t touch that tree!” I’m like, “Mate, I’m just here to help!” Turns out, he thinks the tree is some kind of ancient relic. I mean, it’s a tree, not the Crown Jewels!

Men armed with knives attack jogger in Surrey and steal his glasses