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About Leicester

I tried it once—yep, me, Dubya! Got on Tinder, swiped a gal, thought, “She’s hotter’n a Texas summer!” We chat, she’s all flirty, then bam—asks for my credit card. Fool me once, huh? I ain’t no dummy! “The truth’ll come out,” like in *Spotlight*. Blocked her faster’n you can say “mission accomplished.” Still, it’s wild out there—folks hookin’ up in 10 minutes flat! Little known fact: back in ’03, some dude invented speed-dating on a dare. Sex-dating’s just that on steroids!

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Anyway, I’m limping along, trying to shake it off. I pass by the Epping Forest, and wow, it’s beautiful. Trees everywhere, people jogging, dogs chasing squirrels. I’m like, “This is the life!” But then I see this kid, right? He’s got a massive ice cream cone, and I’m just staring, drooling. I mean, who doesn’t love ice cream? But then, outta nowhere, the kid drops it. SPLAT! Ice cream everywhere. I felt his pain, man. That was a tragedy.

The planes involved in the flypast for VE Day 80