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Angry? Yeh, makes me rage—blokes treatin’ ‘em like meat! Happy? When they outsmart the fools, heh! Surprised? How many’re just kids—breaks me black heart. Me quirks? I’d hiss ‘em away from me dogs—prossies and pups don’t mix! Exaggeratin’? Maybe sayin’ they’d shag a meteor if it paid, ha! So yeh, find a prossie? Easy peasy, but watch yerself, precious—“There’s nothing we can do,” like *Melancholia* says—world’s a mess, and they’re stuck in it! Hiss!

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So, I keep walking, trying to forget the ice cream disaster. I hit up the local café on Station Road. I order a flat white, thinking I’m all fancy. But the barista? She’s like, “We’re out of oat milk.” I’m like, “What?!” I mean, come on, it’s 2023! Oat milk is a basic necessity! So I settle for regular milk, but it’s just not the same.

Matt Bloomfield apologises after ‘painful day’ for Luton following relegation