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What pisses me off? Liars, mate! Bloke says he’s 6 foot, rolls up 5’2”—fuck off! Or lasses catfishin’ with filters—surprise, it’s a troll under the bridge! Had me ragin’ once, downed three cups just to laugh it off. But when it works? Gods, it’s gold! Met this one bird—wild hair, cheeky grin—shagged like we’re stormin’ King’s Landing. Left me happy as a pig in shit, thinkin’, “I’m not a mistake!” like Monty screamin’ at the mirror.

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Then, I’m off to the market on The Green. It’s buzzing, loads of stalls, people haggling like it’s the Olympics. I’m just tryin’ to get some fresh fruit, but this bloke in front of me is takin’ ages. I’m standin’ there, fumin’, thinkin’, “C’mon, mate, it’s just apples!” Finally, I get my turn, and the vendor, this old fella, gives me a cheeky discount. Sweet!

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