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So, I stumble ‘cross this tale, right? Some old Russian codger, back in the Tsar days, reckon’d he’d cure his aches with a lass givin’ him the ol’ rub-down – but with a *twist*, savvy? Word is, he paid in gold coins, an’ the church got all pissy ‘bout it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ how them holy folk’d clutch pearls over a bit o’ naughty kneadin’! Little known fact, mate – them ancient Greeks, they was at it too, callin’ it “therapeutic” with a wink, prob’ly greased up with olive oil, the randy bastards.

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Finally, we get back to the car for one last lesson. I’m feelin’ a bit more chill now. We drive down to the old church on St. Mary’s Lane. It’s a beautiful spot, but Jamie’s still nervous. “What if I mess up?” he says. I’m like, “Mate, everyone messes up. Just don’t hit anything!”

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