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I saw this one gal, all sass, smokin’ a ciggie, leanin’ on a wall. I’m like, “Oi, she’s the one!” But then—surprise!—some geezer rolls up, all aggro, yellin’ at her. Pimp, probs. Got me mad as hell! Why’s he gotta ruin it? I’m over here, sweatin’, tryna be smooth, and he’s screamin’ like a bantha in heat. R2-D2, where are you? Save me from this mess!

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Then, I spot this cute dog. A golden retriever, just living its best life. I’m like, “That’s the vibe I need.” So, I go over to pet it, and the owner starts chatting me up. Turns out, he’s from down the road on Eltham Green. We talk about the best fish and chips in town. He swears by the place on Well Hall Road. I’m like, “Dude, I just came from there!”

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