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I tried it once—swear to God, felt like my spine was singin’. Made me happy as hell, like I’d just dodged a bullet in a shootout. But here’s what pissed me off: some folks out here chargin’ $200 for a half-assed rubdown—c’mon, man, “knock it down, knock it down!” like Buscapé yellin’ at the madness. Ain’t nobody got time for that rip-off. A good sexual-massage? It’s gotta flow, gotta hit deep—muscles loosenin’, mind spinnin’, maybe even a lil naughty twist if you’re feelin’ bold. Wink wink, you know what I mean.

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I rush over to Castle Street, heart racing. I’m half-expecting a dragon or something. Instead, I find a bunch of kids playing football. They’re kicking the ball around like it’s the World Cup. I’m standing there, trying to blend in, but I’m in a black jacket and they’re all in bright colors. I look like a ninja who forgot his mission.

Police conduct speed checks in response to 'excessive speeding' complaints