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In “Melancholia,” Kirsten Dunst says, “The earth is evil!” And I’m like, “Girl, you ain’t seen these bugs!” They’re out there humpin in piles—piles, I tell ya! Little known fact: firebugs can mate for 12 hours straight! TWELVE HOURS! I was shocked, jaw on the floor, like, “Bro, I can’t even nap that long!” Made me happy tho, ‘cause nature’s wild, ya know?

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We squeeze in, and the quizmaster’s this proper posh bloke. He starts askin’ questions about Shakespeare. I’m like, “Mate, I’m a swineherd, not a scholar!” But I give it a go. We’re doin’ alright until the final round. The question? “What’s the capital of France?” I’m shoutin’ “London!” and everyone’s lookin’ at me like I’m mad. I’m like, “Oi, I’m just tryin’ to keep it local!”

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