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About Bristol

Yo, wassup, fam! Me, your wild-ass mountain guide, talkin’ sex-dating! Shit’s crazy, right? Swipin’ left, right, tryna smash! Like, who’s got time for that? I’m out here climbin’ peaks, not peekin’ at peen pics! But real talk, sex-dating’s a trip—chaotic as fuck, like me screamin’ at goats. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—dudes and chicks just tryna bone! Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*, ya feel? “You ain’t got no humanity!”—Tarantino knew the deal. People ghostin’, catfishery everywhere, it’s a goddamn warzone!

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But then, I spotted this stall selling homemade pies. Oh man, I couldn’t resist! I grabbed a steak and kidney pie. Best decision ever! I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I was in heaven! But then, I realized I had pie juice all over my shirt. Classic me, right?

We live in 'Britain's fattest town' where people eat THREE takeaways a day and the queue for McDonald's blocks