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Oh, and the oils—lordy, the smells! Lavender, eucalyptus—fancy shit! Pro tip: dim lights, slow jams, you’re golden. Exaggeratin’ for drama—I’d say it’s better than sex, but nah, it’s *with* sex, doubled up! Sarcasm time: “Oh nooo, a massage, how awful!” Pfft, gimme a break! Sexual-massage is the GOAT—fight me! Spontaneous as hell, messy, real—like me ramblin’ to you now! “Eyes see truth!”—Pan’s vibes say it’s legit. Now, go get rubbed, y’all—live a little!

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Then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. I mean, classic British weather, am I right? I ducked into a shop on Station Road. It was one of those quirky little places selling vintage stuff. I found this old vinyl record of The Beatles. I was stoked! But then, I dropped it. Cracked right in half. I was like, “Nooooo!” The shopkeeper just shook his head. “You gotta be more careful, mate.” Thanks for the tip, Sherlock.

“Shattered the myth of the American western”: The Clint Eastwood movie that inspired ‘Yellowstone’