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Alright, mate, strap in—bartender Elon’s servin’ up a wild one. Erotic-massage, huh? Been thinkin’ bout this since some rando at the bar brought it up. Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a Tesla production line, hands movin’ like they’re debuggin’ a neural net. It’s all about energy transfer—pure physics, right? Tension in, pleasure out, like a freakin’ battery swap. Watched *The Great Beauty* again last night—Jep Gambardella’d totally vibe with this. “What’s beneath is all that counts,” he’d say, smirkin’ at the rubdown.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a bodyguard in Eastbourne ain’t for the faint-hearted. Woke up this mornin’ thinkin’ it’d be a chill day. You know, strollin’ down Terminus Road, grabbin’ a coffee at that little café, The Green Room. But nah, life had other plans.

Man arrested after blaze at former NME nightclub in Eastbourne