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Oh, and don’t get me started on the weirdos—some fool asked for a rubdown with, like, peanut butter once. Bruh, what? I’d narrate that mess in my gravest tone: “In a world where sanity collapses…” Ha! Me, I’m simple—gimme that slow, sensual vibe, lights dim, maybe some jazz. Makes me feel alive, y’all—like Cobb spinnin’ that top, hopin’ it don’t fall. That’s sexual-massage, fam—a trip worth takin’, flaws and all.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy starts arguing about the best fish and chips in town. I’m like, “Dude, it’s gotta be The Olde Swan!” But he’s all, “Nah, it’s gotta be The Molesey Fish Bar!” It’s getting heated, and I’m just sitting there, sipping my beer, thinking, “This is what life’s about.”

Surrey Police officer rushed to hospital with head injury as suspect tasered and arrested