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Little-known fact—back in the day, Victorian peeps had “courting cards” for hookups. OG sex-dating, no cap! Blows my mind—history’s freaky like that. Nowadays, it’s all DMs and “u up?” texts. I’m over here, yellin’ at my phone—WHERE’S THE SPARK, PEOPLE?! Still, I’m hooked—swipin’ like a maniac, chasin’ that thrill. Sometimes it’s a bust, sometimes it’s magic—like that one chick who quoted *Moolaadé* mid-hookup. “Protect the vulnerable!” she moaned—shit was surreal, I’m cryin’ laughin’!

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I order a scone and a cuppa. And let me tell ya, it was heavenly! Fluffy, buttery goodness. I’m munching away, and this lady next to me starts chatting. Turns out, she’s lived in East-Horsley her whole life. She’s got stories, man! Like, did you know there’s a ghost in the old church on The Street? I’m all ears, and she’s spillin’ the tea.

New Year's Eve football fundraiser raises more than £12,000 for paralysed East Horsley man