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Then there’s this other bit—found an old story, right, some prossie in the 80s got nabbed cos her client paid with a dodgy tooth implant! Swear down, copper clocked it—fake gold molar! Laughed me head off—imagine the nickin’ scene: “You’re nicked, love, bad dentistry!” Proper mental, that—makes ya think, don’t it?

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So, I’m cleaning up my mess, and I decide to take a walk around the lakes. I’m wandering down the path, and I see this old couple feeding the ducks. They’re so cute, holding hands and all. I’m thinking, “That’s goals right there.” But then, the ducks start fighting over the bread, and it’s like a scene from a nature documentary. I’m cracking up, and the couple looks at me like I’m mad. Whatever, I’m just enjoying the chaos.

FOOTBALL – Earlswood Town beat Lane Head to move further clear of drop