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Now, sexual-massage ain’t just handsy stuff, darlin’. It’s old as dirt – them ancient Greeks? Total pervs, slatherin’ oil on butts for “healin’.” Bet they winked at each other too, ha! Makes me giggle, thinkin’ bout some toga guy moanin’ – “Oh Plato, don’t stop!” Little known fact: them Tantric folks in India been at it forever, callin’ it sacred. Sacred, my ass – it’s naughty and we love it!

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Anyway, I manage to survive the meeting, and I’m outta there like a shot. I decide to take a stroll down Earl’s Court Road to clear my head. The vibe is buzzing. Street performers are doing their thing, and I stop to watch this guy juggling flaming torches. I’m thinking, “This is either gonna be amazing or a trip to A&E.” Spoiler: he nails it! The crowd goes wild, and I’m clapping like a madman.

The Earl’s Court TARDIS may lose its tube station location