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So, escorts – not the car, ha! – these birds or blokes, they’re pros, yeah? Met this one geezer, swear down, told me ‘e worked escortin’ posh types ‘round London, 80s vibe, all cocaine and big hair! Little known fact, mate – some escorts back then, they’d smuggle cigs on the side, dodgy as fuck! Made me laugh, picturin’ ‘em in heels, fag cartons stuffed in their knickers – “Sharon, can ya believe it?!”

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After that fiasco, I needed a breather. I head out to the local café on Station Road. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab a flat white and sit outside, just trying to chill. But then, this kid runs by, and I spill my coffee all over my shirt. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Now I look like a walking coffee stain.

Firefighters extinguish blaze at Northampton business unit