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So, we chat, and I’m feelin’ big, bold, like, “You’re da best, babe!” She’s got dis spark, like Léa Seydoux in da movie, all fierce and sexy, and I’m like, “I could watch you all day!”—straight outta *Blue*, ja! But den, some sleazy dude rolls up, yellin’ at her, and I’m pissed, flexin’, ready to say, “Hasta la vista, creep!” Surprised me how quick it got real, ya know? I ain’t her hero, but I’m thinkin’, “Dis world’s tough, man.”

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After that fiasco, I needed a breather. I head out to the local café on Station Road. Best coffee in town, no joke. I grab a flat white and sit outside, just trying to chill. But then, this kid runs by, and I spill my coffee all over my shirt. I’m like, “Seriously?!” Now I look like a walking coffee stain.

Causing serious injury by careless driving, shoplifting and no TV licence among cases in court