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Fun fact, tho—did you know prostitutes in Amsterdam got unions? Like, legit benefits and shit. Meanwhile, I’m here hagglin’ like it’s a flea market. She’s quotin’ prices, I’m noddin’ like I get it. I don’t. My head’s spinnin’—part nerves, part “Is this legal?” Google ain’t helpin’, too many tabs open. I’m like, “M. Gustave woulda charmed her for free.” That’s my guy—suave as hell, even with the chaos.

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First thing, I hit up the local shop on Victoria Street. You know, the one with the dodgy pastries? Yeah, that one. I grabbed a bacon roll, and let me tell ya, it was a solid 7/10. But then, I dropped it. Like, right on the pavement. I was so mad! I mean, come on! Who drops their breakfast? Me, apparently.

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