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Well, hello there, ya filthy animal! Escorts, huh? Fancy word for a gritty gig. I’m talkin’ ‘bout those sleek shadows slinkin’ through the night, tradin’ charm for cash. Kinda like Llewyn Davis, y’know? “I don’t see much money here,” he’d moan, strummin’ his woes away. Same deal with escorts—hustlin’, scrapin’ by, hopin’ for a big break. Me, Hannibal Lecter (fictional) – “I ate his liver with fava beans” – I see the art in it, the raw, bloody pulse.

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As the day goes on, I’m wandering around the riverbanks, taking in the views. The River Wear is just gorgeous, especially with the sunset reflecting off the water. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “Life’s good, man.” But then I trip over a rock and nearly faceplant. Classic me, right?

Union chief urges staff at Reform UK-controlled councils to sign up