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Met this one gal, profile said “adventurous.” Thought, hell yeah, jackpot! Took her to the woods—real date, ya know? She freaked at a squirrel—fuckin squirrel! “The wind carries whispers,” movie says—hers were screams. Dumped her ass quick. Sex-dating’s a gamble, man—sometimes ya win, mostly ya lose. Like that time I matched a guy who sent recipes—recipes!—instead of nudes. Surprised me, Clarice, fuckin delighted me! Cooked lamb with him—tasty as hell.

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Then I head over to the market on the square. It’s buzzing! I grab a bacon sarnie from this little café, The Coffee House. Best bacon butty in town, no joke. I’m munching away, and this old lady starts chatting me up about her cat. I’m like, “Yeah, cool, but I gotta go.” But she’s relentless! Turns out her cat’s name is Mr. Whiskers. Classic.

Dunstable students design Blue Planet posters to celebrate Earth Day