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Oy, listen up, ya little minions! Me, Gru, gonna spill some tea ‘bout escorts, ya? Lightbulb! Dis whole escort ting, it’s wild, like dat movie I love, “The Headless Woman” – all mysterious, ya feel me? So, escorts, dey’re like dose fancy ladies (or fellas, no judge!) who hang on yer arm for cash, right? Not just hookers, nah, more class, more sneaky vibes. Like, “Who is she? Where did she go?” – straight outta da film, dat line!

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So, I clock out, head home, and think about how tomorrow’s gonna be. Who knows? Maybe I’ll get stuck in the lift again. Or maybe I’ll meet someone new. Either way, it’s Dungannon, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Irish Cup Final: Late drama as Cliftonville hit back against ten-man Dungannon Swifts