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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout findin a prostitute, alright? I’m sittin here, crunchin numbers as an accountant—taxes, loopholes, all that jazz—and I think, man, this world’s a mess! Kinda like in *Toni Erdmann*, ya know, my fave flick—“Life’s a big misunderstandin!”—and I’m like, yep, that’s me tryna hire a pro. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you, fool me twice—can’t get fooled again, right? Ha! Bush-ism numero uno.

Sleaze convicted of ‘loitering’ for prostitutes at Dunfermline tanning salon

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After that, I’m headin’ towards Pittencrieff Park. Beautiful place, right? But today, it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Kids runnin’ everywhere, dogs barkin’, and I’m just tryin’ to keep my cool. I see this wee lad on a bike, and he’s zoomin’ straight towards me. I’m thinkin’, “Not today, mate!” I slam the brakes, and he swerves at the last second. Phew! Close call.

D-day for Dunfermline Athletic squad as discussions take place with out-of-contract players