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Best bit? Some escorts got rules – no kissin’, no cuddles. Cold as stone! “What I do is not who I am,” one told me mate – straight outta Bob’s mouth, that wisdom! Blew me mind – they’re actin’, precious, like Sofia’s stars! Happy fer their smarts, but gutted – imagine livin’ split like that? Oof, gives me the creeps!

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Finally, I get to the Overgate, and Jamie’s there, looking all smug. He’s just come from a job interview. I’m like, “How’d it go?” He’s all, “I nailed it!” I’m pumped for him, but also a bit jealous. I mean, I’m still stuck in this Banderilleros gig, and he’s off to be a big shot.

Tony Docherty ‘hugely frustrated’ by officials as Dundee go down to Motherwell