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Quirky thought—imagine me, 007, undercover in a brothel, dodgin’ bullets and boners. “I’m here to carve my name,” I’d growl, Tarantino-style, dodgin’ a drunk john. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but brothels are bloody theatres—dramas, laughs, tears, all for a fiver. Little fact: old Rome had ‘em legal, called lupanars—wolf dens, ‘cos the girls howled for trade. Savage, eh?

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After that, I decide to hit up the Dundee Law. Gotta get my steps in, right? Climbing that hill is no joke! Halfway up, I’m gasping for air, thinking, “Why do I do this to myself?” But when I reach the top, man, the view is worth it. You can see the whole city, the river, the bridges. It’s breathtaking. I snap a pic for the ‘Gram, of course.

Dundee 1-2 Motherwell: Mexican magic and VAR fury