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Exaggeratin’ for the drama? Hell yea! One night, I thought I found the one – she’s all glammed up, curves for days, I’m like, “This is my Oscar moment!” Turns out, she’s a cop – bustin’ me like I’m a damn fool! I’m laughin’ now, but I was pissed, yo – heart racin’, thinkin’, “I’m too genius for this!” Sarcasm hittin’ hard – “Oh, great, Kanye’s a criminal now, dope!”

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First off, I hit up the local café on High Street. You know, the one with the best scones? I swear, they’re like little clouds of happiness. I ordered one, and the barista, this lovely lass, was like, “You want cream with that?” I’m like, “Duh, of course!” But then, she dropped the cream. SPLAT! Right on the floor. I laughed so hard, I nearly choked on my coffee. I mean, who drops cream? Only in Dunblane, I guess.

Southport attack stirs memories of Dunblane as investigations begin