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Once saw this advert—blimey!—escort promising “girlfriend vibes,” cost me a tenner to imagine it! Fell off me bed laughin’, picturin’ me payin’ for cuddles—pathetic, eh? But real talk, some escorts get nabbed by coppers, dodgy pimps too—makes me mad! “I want to scream,” like the movie geezer, ‘cos it’s grim, innit? Still, some punters say it’s ace—bit of fun, no strings. Me? I’d probly spill tea on ‘em—oops!—then run off gigglin’!

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Fast forward to later, and I’m at the pub on Manchester Road. The vibe is electric. Everyone’s laughing, and I’m sharing my day’s drama. They’re cracking up at my coffee spill story. I’m feeling like a rockstar.

Man's body found in woodland in tragic discovery