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Look at it, squat lil’ thing, boxy as Margot Tenenbaum’s frown. “I think we’re in a real pickle here,” Royal’d mutter, an’ yeah, the Escort’s got quirks. Gearbox clunks like a drunk uncle at a weddin’. But there’s charm, innit? Saw one pimped out once – spoiler big as me ego, made me laugh ‘til I cried. Proper mental! Then some twat nicked Dave’s stereo – made me ragey, wanna punch a wall. “You’re a bastard, Royal,” I’d yell, but nah, just life in the Escort lane.

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Finally, some old lady shouts, “Just throw it a sausage!” I’m dying. Who throws sausages at cats? But guess what? Someone actually does it! And the cat? It jumps down like it’s been shot out of a cannon. Everyone cheers, and I’m just there, thinking, “What a time to be alive in Droylsden.”

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