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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.
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But then, I see this swan. It’s just floatin’ there, lookin’ majestic. I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could be that chill.” But then it starts hissin’ at me! Like, what’s your problem, swan? I’m just tryin’ to vibe here!
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