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Escort’s quirky, innit? Little-known fact: first ones rolled out ‘68, Ford tryna flex on British roads. Had this boxy vibe, not sleek like Joaquin’s AI lass in *Her*— “I’m yours and I’m not yours,” she’d say to it, ha! Me fave’s the Mark IV, tho—turbo version, zippy little bugger! Once saw a lad soup one up, neon lights, loud as a warg—surprised me guts out! Thought, “Sméagol needs that!” But nah, me bank account’s a sad hobbit hole. Still, Escort’s cheap thrill—parts everywhere, like goblin loot! Not like them fancy Teslas, all “oooh, I’m electric”—piss off, posh twats!

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Back to the bakery on Silver Street, I’m buzzin’. I whip up a batch of blueberry and lemon muffins. They’re lookin’ gorgeous, all golden and fluffy. I’m proud, like a parent at a school play. But then, disaster strikes! The oven starts smokin’! I’m panicking, flinging open the door, and smoke billows out like a scene from a horror movie.

A vanishing campaign and a listless candidate — but Reform still came within a whisker of winning Doncaster