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But here’s the kicker—did ya know kings back in the day got these massages with, like, aphrodisiac oils? Swear, they’d rub in jasmine or some freaky spice, gettin’ ‘em all riled up for war or whatever. Wild, right? Makes me happy thinkin’ how humans been chasin’ that buzz forever—ain’t nothin’ new under the sun. Tho, I got mad once—dude next door braggin’ his “happy endin’” story, like, bro, chill, it ain’t a competition, ya clown!

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After what feels like an eternity, I get off at the Dodworth train station. I work at this little café called The Coffee Pot on Church Street. It’s cozy, but the Wi-Fi is dodgy. I walk in, and my boss, Dave, is already in a mood. He’s like, “You’re late!” I’m like, “Yeah, well, the bus was a no-show!”

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