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Here I am, mates. A lifeguard, yeah, perched on the water’s edge. Watchin’ the waves, calm as ever. And escort? Blimey, what a gig! Not the saucy kind, nah—get your head outta there. I mean the fish—escort fish, right? Little nippers swimmin’ ‘round bigger fellas. Like bodyguards of the sea, innit? Saw ‘em once off the reef. Tiny, scrappy buggers, dartin’ about. Protectin’ their big mates from dodgy types. Parasites, predators—escorts don’t mess about.

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Then, outta nowhere, I spot my mate, Sam, on the corner of Victoria Street. He’s waving like a madman. Turns out he just got a new job at the local pub, The Dinnington Arms. He’s all hyped about it, and I’m like, “Bro, you’re gonna smell like chips all day!” But he’s loving it, so who am I to rain on his parade?

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