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About Manchester

Anyhow, blundering Boris here reckons it’s a top-notch lark—bit of a faff to find a decent one, mind, dodgy parlours everywhere, but when it’s right? *Eureka!*—you’re knackered, chuffed, and raring to go again. So, mate, next time you’re knackered, skip the pub—get a sexual-massage, and tell ‘em Boris sent ya! *Cave felis*, watch the tiger, eh?

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Then, I spot this group of tourists near the Market Place. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient treasure. I stroll over, all casual, and say, “You lot need a guide?” They look at me like I’m a wizard or something. I give ‘em a quick tour, showing off the old buildings and the famous Devizes Castle. They’re snapping pics, and I’m feeling like a rockstar.

Lorry carrying 22 tonnes of hay catches fire in town centre